It took me hours to sort it all out into piles, gas, electric, bank etc etc. then I had to go through and open or finish opening all the part and unopened ones – cursing myself for being so lazy as I went. I’ve never been one to whinge about cuts and bruises but hell paper cuts hurt and why once you have one does every piece of paper you pick up seem to run through the fresh cut, reminding you of the searing, itching pain and re-starting the bleeding. I’ll live, I know but my hands are now a reminder to myself why I need to deal with things as soon as they come through the door, although I’m sure as soon as the cuts heal I will forget. For now though I have a lovely tidy desk, and a very neat filing system with no envelopes or promotional leaflets that serve no purpose. I think at least a third of the pile was actually rubbish – the amount of junk that comes with a credit card statement is ridiculous, the leaflets about things and then the reply envelope even though you are paying by direct debit, I could go on but whats the point, it’s not going to achieve anything!

I then went about finding my new TV to watch all these channels on, which proved to be a bit trickier than I thought. Having every channel I could possibly want I didn’t really need a TV with built-in freeview, but thought I might as well have it in case I decide I want to move it into my bedroom or something where I don’t have a cable connection. I already knew I wanted an LCD, plasma has never appealed to me really, but LCD comes with it’s own problems really – I’ve noticed the quality of the picture can be lost on the larger TV’s so I spent possibly a bit too long comparing the quality of pictures in the TV shop, skipping from one to another, squinting and turning my head just to make sure that the picture was as good as I thought. So, that was that, I’d found the TV I wanted so just needed a shop assistant to sell it to me, I collared one and pointed out the TV I wanted. “I should point out sir, that this model isn’t high definition” was the response I got. Did I want high definition, do I need high definition – I have only noticed a few channels offering the option of high definition programmes. Apparently it’s the next big thing and it could well be wise to get a TV with high definition capability so I can enjoy future programmes that are broadcast in high definition. After a bit of thought and deliberation I came to the conclusion that I really didn’t need high definition. I am more than happy with my 42” LCD TV and the 200+ channels that I have to watch on it.

I suspected I might feel it a little bit the next day and was pleased when I was only a little achey and sore when I woke up – the sign of a good bike ride I thought. I was also pleased to see that the tyre hadn’t gone flat overnight just to spite me. I resisted the temptation to go out again that day and agreed with myself that I would go again tomorrow, perhaps further this time, seeing as I and the bike were apparently in good shape. I spent a while looking on the internet for cycle routes around my way and found a couple that I thought might be worth a try. This was not to be the case however, as on waking the next day, full of thoughts of cycling I realised that I was in pain, lots of pain in fact – my legs felt like they had been run over by a truck and my back was throbbing dully. Not as fit as I thought apparently, so much so it took my body a day to realise just how unfit it was. Delayed onset muscle soreness apparently – it’s a common thing in unfit people returning to exercise. I am considering returning the bike to the shed.

I suspected I might feel it a little bit the next day and was pleased when I was only a little achey and sore when I woke up – the sign of a good bike ride I thought. I was also pleased to see that the tyre hadn’t gone flat overnight just to spite me. I resisted the temptation to go out again that day and agreed with myself that I would go again tomorrow, perhaps further this time, seeing as I and the bike were apparently in good shape. I spent a while looking on the internet for cycle routes around my way and found a couple that I thought might be worth a try. This was not to be the case however, as on waking the next day, full of thoughts of cycling I realised that I was in pain, lots of pain in fact – my legs felt like they had been run over by a truck and my back was throbbing dully. Not as fit as I thought apparently, so much so it took my body a day to realise just how unfit it was. Delayed onset muscle soreness apparently – it’s a common thing in unfit people returning to exercise. I am considering returning the bike to the shed.

Emptying the box gave me 4 bags of different screws, screw caps wooden plugs and an alun key along with a double sided sheet of instructions with various pictures showing different angles of the assembly with arrows and codes for the different screws etc.  Of course, looking at the key for the codes I couldn’t really tell which screw was which as the differences were so small.

Reading through the instructions it became clear it would be easier to do things in a slightly different order than they suggested so I began screwing shelves into one of the side panels feeling confident that the unit would be up within half an hour.  I will never doubt flat pack instructions again.  It became horribly clear once I had finished screwing all the shelves in one side that I was wrong and the instructions were right, and to add insult to injury I had attached the shelves upside-down, something I didn’t really think was possible, so I had to undo all the shelves and start again.

Two hours and a sore back later the unit was assembled.  It looks great, and has provided adequate storage for all the stuff that needed a home.  However I can’t take any pleasure from looking at it yet, the wounds are still too raw, flat pack furniture has the ability to crush a man without even trying, men aren’t designed to follow instructions step by step, we are men, we know how to put furniture together thank you very much.

The dog toy proved a great hit though, and I was very thankful for the distraction while I wrestled with the damn storage unit - he loves to get involved in things and I think that would have been the final straw.  Occasionally he would bound up with this lime green toy dangling from his jaws just to see what the swearing was about, then would skitter off joyfully shaking the life out of it as he went.  The seams are starting to split, it won’t be long before I’m finding bits of lime green material and stuffing trailed round the flat, at least one of us is happy!

Having spent a couple of days tidying cupboards only to turn round and find a pile of stuff on the floor that I no longer had room for, no matter how hard I tried to rearrange them to try and make them look smaller it just didn’t work and annoyingly it was all stuff I wanted to keep. I decided a new storage unit of some kind was required, which of course meant a trip to Ikea.

Having browsed their website I had a rough idea of what I wanted, so off I went, vowing not to buy anything I didn’t need - it seems every time I go to Ikea I come back with stuff that not only do I not need, but don’t have room for. Thankfully I found the unit I wanted and it was available in the self-service section so off I went, slip of paper in hand to find aisle 6 section D.  It was in stock and I made it to the till with only 2 extra things, a new set of wine glasses (they were on offer, and I am having friends over for dinner soon so it seemed sensible) and some wierd stuffed toy thing for my dog, I have no idea what it is supposed to be, but it was cheap and cheerful and will keep him happy for a while, until he pulls all its stuffing out that is.